An open letter to the man who called Denver, Colorado “boring”

Good morning! Guess who put on her sassy pants today? 

As a travel blogger who mainly focuses on Denver, Colorado, where I currently reside, I couldn’t help but get frustrated (and a little amused) by a man’s review of Colorado. I stumbled across this while on areavibes.com which is a great way to get a feel for a town prior to visiting.

This man, let’s call him Robert, called Denver out for being boring, expensive, dry and narcissistic. He also said some pretty mean things about California, but I’ll leave that to a Cali native to respond.

Read Robert’s review below, followed by my response.

“Like other states, unless you are really into mountain sports Denver is boring. The city is very spread out and there is a lot of traffic. The dating scene is horrendous for men and great for women (there are no women in Denver, none). The cost of living has gone up 50% since I moved here, I make six figures but will never be able to afford a home here. There are a ton of transplants in Denver and as a result, there is no culture in the city. Denver has a VERY dry climate, I am constantly drinking water and using moisturizer. The weather isn’t that great, it’s too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter. The people are nice, but in a fake. plastic, West Coast kind of way. A lot of the transplants are tech bros that work for startups, tech bros are the most annoying people on earth. There is a homeless person with a sign at every intersection. The 16th street mall has homeless people hitting you up for money every 15 ft. The nightlife is a joke. Many establishments close early and those that stay open later are filled with 22 year old men looking for women. Many of the people that live here are narcissists (just like Southern California).I am desperately looking for an excuse to get out of Denver as I know things are only going to get significantly worse as more people relocate here and the city becomes more expensive and more congested.”

Dear Robert,

I am so sorry that you have not enjoyed your time in Colorful Colorado. I assure you that we do have a lot to offer the non-mountain type. Have you been to Casa Bonita? It’s the opposite of boring. I must warn you that they do have a waterfall, but I promise that you do not need to be outdoorsy to enjoy it.

That is so weird that you haven’t seen any women during your time here. I assure you that we exist. According to SuburbanStats.org, I am accompanied by 300,068 other females in Denver. Are you sure you’re not living in a men’s restroom?

The cost of living is a bummer. I, too, wish that I could purchase a house here. To be fair, homes reached an all time high of 22.9 percent overvaluation in 2016. While that isn’t quite 50 percent, as you claimed, I agree that sometimes it does feel that way.

I’m bummed that you don’t believe that Denver has any culture due to the transplants. I had assumed that you, too, were a transplant, due to your disgust with the state. The thought that you may be a Colorado native makes your review even more disappointing. Regardless, I must disagree with your statement. Each Denver neighborhood has embraced its own vibe and the city itself is rich in culture.

Denver is so dry. Being forced to hydrate sucks. The fact that you have to buy lotion is crazy. No wonder Coloradans can’t afford homes! Thanks, Obama.

Robert, you are in for a very rude awakening if you think that Colorado is too hot in the summer (average of 86 degrees) and too cold in the winter (average of 43 degrees). Good thing housing is super affordable in the not-too-hot, not-too-cold city of San Diego.

The problem is, even if you could afford a home in San Diego, I don’t know if the residents would take too kindly to you referring to them as fake, plastic, narcissists. Maybe you’re better off in Oklahoma City?

I wish that you didn’t have to witness our 22-year-old men looking for women past their bedtime. We try to keep them hidden away in Uptown but occasionally one does stray. You should have pulled them aside and told them that they’re wasting their time, because, as you said, there are no women in Denver, none.

Robert, if I offended you, I apologize. I mean well, I promise. If you want to experience the fun (not outdoorsy) parts of Denver, I am happy to toss a few recommendations your way. However, if you simply cannot stand another day in the dreadful Mile High City, I wish you the best in your endeavors. I just have one piece of advice for you: Get out of the men’s restroom and EXPLORE! Each city has so much to offer, you just need to give it a chance.

Sincerely,

Emma (a Colorado native and an avid fan of The Centennial State)

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