5 things I wish I could tell my mom

On August 13th, 2017 I lost my best friend. She passed away unexpectedly and I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. If I could have another day with my mom, this is what I’d tell her: 

You are my best friend

We loved to shop together, didn’t we? We would hit up all of the sales and use every coupon in your purse. “We did good today,” you’d say as you threw our bags in the trunk. We’d get home and do a fashion show, making the hallway our runway. We would ask Dad for his opinion, he’d nod and say, “Nice,” for every item. You’d roll your eyes and shrug. We shopped for us, not for our men. When I was having a bad day we’d go to the mall and try on hats. You always said hats weren’t your thing because you had, “sticky-outty ears, just like Grandpa.” I quickly realized you were just letting me wear the cute ones while you put on the goofy ones. You would do anything to cheer me up.

You are beautiful

Inside and out. I was in 1st grade, getting ready for picture day, and I told Dad that I was self-conscious of the gap between my teeth. I was practicing my best closed-mouth smile in the mirror when Dad tickled me and said, “You are your most beautiful self when you laugh.” Mom, when you laughed you lit up the entire room. I did everything I could to make you laugh and smile because that alone made my day.

Thank you

As the youngest child, I must’ve asked you a million times to play barbies or go to the park with me and not once did you say no. When we were at the pool I’d ask you to play Mud Princess and Pretty Pony, a game I had made up. You’d play along, asking me if we should stop and pick up magical crystals on our way to the deep end, as if it were a completed normal errand. You joined me in my imaginary world and didn’t break out of it until I was done playing.

I love you

I’ll always remember that line from the book, Love You Forever by Robert N. Munsch that went “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my mommy you’ll be.” Mom, you took care of me, my sisters and about five dozen other children during your lifetime and you loved each one of us immensely. As a youngest child you’d think I’d be jealous of all of these kids snagging your attention but you made each one of us feel as though we were the favorite. I will love you forever, Mom.

I miss you

Yesterday was hard, today is hard and tomorrow will be hard. I will continue to imagine that you are by my side, holding my hand as I walk through life. I see you in the leaves falling from the trees. I hear you in praise hymns. I even smell you in spray butter, because you once sprayed it the wrong way, directly in my face, during dinner. I couldn’t stay mad at you, we laughed until we cried. It seems as though everything reminds me of you but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Each little thing reminds me of how full our relationship was and how we took advantage of every minute of life we had together.

I will never understand why you were taken from me so early, but I feel comfort in knowing that you are in heaven, no longer in pain, dancing, singing and smiling down at me.